


I do now.

by irregardlxss



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jens realizes he possibly could have been a better friend, Late Night Conversations, Robbe talks through some of his trauma, v little actual Sander sorry :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22013065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irregardlxss/pseuds/irregardlxss
Summary: Jens thought Robbe had told him everything that had happened during those awful few weeks when he and Sander were figuring everything out. He'd been wrong.Or, I loved WtFOCK and Robbe and Sander but I do wish we'd been shown Robbe telling his best friend about the Literal Hate Crime he had to go through.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 127





	I do now.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't get into like, a TON of detail but this is Robbe discussing That Night with Jens so TW for gaybashing hate crime and slurs!!

It seems hard to believe, but everything might finally have calmed down. They’re walking by a corner store, picking up booze on the way to a party, and they’re all getting along. They’re all there. They’re all happy. Jens doesn’t know what happened between Robbe and Moyo, but they seem to have sorted their shit out, and Aaron is the same kind of jovial dumbass he’s always managed to be. Even Sander is there, hovering around Robbe, giving as good as he gets as he and Moyo and Aaron dare each other to jump over the bicycles they’re walking by. They’re stupid. They’re having fun.

Robbe is grinning with the rest of them.

Jens has been keeping part of an eye on Robbe for the past few weeks - half marvelling at the change in him, half making sure he really is ok. He’s always been quiet, so Jens hadn’t really thought it was a big deal when he’d gotten even quieter. He’d spent three weeks with his best friend while his best friend’s whole life was going to shit, and he hadn’t even noticed.

Robbe seems lighter now, though. He’s cheering on a final competition between Aaron and Sander - they’re both trying to clear three bicycles locked beside each other outside of the corner store. Sander wins, Aaron chickens out before he even starts the jump and Jens laughs at Robbe as he hollers with the rest of them.

Yeah, Robbe’s happier. Jens is too, he’s surprised to realize.

Moyo and Aaron charge right into the store, and Robbe heads back over to Sander, tucking himself under Sander’s arm. Sander happily lets him, and they take a few steps like that, walking perfectly in time with each other like the disgustingly-in-love couple they are. Jens follows behind them, still laughing. Just before they walk in the door, Sander spins Robbe out and leans in for a kiss. Robbe responds eagerly.

Jens can pinpoint the exact moment Robbe's mood changes. Jens is opening his mouth, ready to tease Robbe for the way he has to go onto his tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend, when Robbe's shoulders go stiff and he takes a step back, staring at his feet. Sander doesn't chase him.

"Not here, ok?" Jens can faintly hear Robbe mutter. Robbe looks frantically around them. The street is empty.

Weirder still, Sander just nods. He bumps his shoulder against Robbe's, gently, and they both go inside. Jens hurries to follow.

Jens had been acting kind of weird all night. Robbe's caught Jens watching him at least four times, and Jens has looked away fast every time they've made eye contact, not half-smiled crookedly like he normally would. He's been quiet, too, and only had one beer. Robbe's been keeping an eye out, just in case.

The party had been fun, actually. Having Sander and the guys together is still a novel thing for Robbe, but he's slowly getting used to it. They’re almost friends, now.

It was Aaron's party, and they've crashed at his, nobody really feeling like making the trek home. Sander had promised his mom he'd be back for the night, though, and Robbe's already missing him. Aaron and Moyo are asleep, draped across various couches. Moyo's sock is two inches away from the back of Robbe's head, and it's taking everything he has not to smack it away.

Jens is on the floor beside Robbe, still awake and still quiet. They hadn't bothered to close the curtain, and there's enough light from the city outside that Jens' face is easy enough to make out. He's looking at Robbe. Robbe nudges him.

"You good, man?" he asks.

Jens starts, like he hadn't noticed Robbe looking back at him. He scrunches up his nose a little. A year ago, Robbe would have been thinking about it for a week.

"Yeah," Jens answers, after a second. He shrugs his shoulders a little, which is somewhat impressive lying down. "Why?"

"Dude, you've been looking at me weird all night."

Robbe's proud of himself for that. A year ago, he definitely wouldn't have pushed.

Jens squeezes his lips together.

"Just - today, outside the corner store."

"Mmm?"

"What was that?"

"What was what, Jens?"

"Ok.” Jens pauses. “Why didn't you let Sander kiss you? We've seen you kiss, like, a hundred times by now. It's chill, dude. You know we're not going to be assholes about it." Robbe hadn’t thought Jens had noticed. He looks down at his pillow.

"Yeah, I know."

He does know, is the thing. The guys have been perfectly fine since Moyo and him had hugged it out, and he’s long gotten over any embarrassment he might have had about kissing Sander in front of them. He’s dealt with their graphic and frankly disgusting sex talk for long enough that they can fucking deal with a little making out.

"So why did you stop him, man?” Jens is weirdly earnest. It’s not a look he wears often. “Clearly there was something going on."

Robbe is silent for a very long time before he manages to make eye contact with Jens again. When he finally does, Jens cocks an eyebrow. Robbe has to look back at his pillow all over again.

"Yeah, I know you guys are chill, but,” he manages. “But other people might not be." 

"Bro, it's almost 2020. We're in Belgium. Nobody's going to care that you're kissing your boyfriend." Where has he heard that before?

"You don't know that!" Robbe almost yells. Moyo’s foot, behind him, stirs a little.

There’s a long pause. He finally manages to look up at Jens, who is just watching him, steadily. Looking a little confused and a little concerned, but only a little. Jens only ever looks a little anything.

“Sorry,” Robbe mutters.

"What the fuck man. Did somebody say something? Did, um," Jens pauses, searching for a name. “Did Milan warn you about something?”

"No." It’s technically true.

"So? What, then?"

Robbe has to look down at his pillow again. He doesn’t know why he can’t tell Jens this. It’s objectively less of a big deal than him being gay, and definitely affects Jens less. It’s not like Jens is going to freak out about it or anything. 

It’s definitely not Robbe’s fault.

Still, though. He’s fucking ashamed. He has no goddamn reason to be and yet almost two full months later the only other person who he’s managed to tell is the roommate he’s only had for a semester. And his boyfriend, who’s dealing with it too. He doesn’t want this to have happened to him, and he definitely doesn’t want to have to tell Jens.

"Dude,” Jens whispers. “Spit it out."

Robbe takes a deep breath in.

"Do you remember, like a month ago. When I had those... when I got in that....". _Bruises. Fight._ He doesn’t know why, when words are important, they get so goddamn hard to string together.

"The fight you were in."

Robbe nods. Grimaces. He opens his mouth again.

"Well, I kind of... lied to you about that. A bit."

Jens waves a hand, a ‘go on’ gesture that’s as familiar to Robbe as his own childhood bedroom.

"It wasn't really a fight. Well, it was. Kind of. It was. I had been with Sander."

Robbe stares at Jens, silently begging him to get it. But Jens isn't Milan, he hasn't lived this particular fear himself, and so he still has that same, slightly confused expression on. He doesn’t fucking get it. Robbe has to keep talking.

"We were - it was a date. We were in this bar, and we were coming out of it, and it was really, really nice. Like tonight. I was so happy. He was too, I think."

Robbe takes another deep breath in, and then he doesn’t know what to do with all the air in his lungs so he just lets it back out again. He chances a glance over to Jens, who’s still watching. Still calm, still confused. "We were coming out of this bar, and we were talking about where to go next, and we were kissing. And then, suddenly, there were. There were these guys. I don’t remember how many. And they were calling us - they were calling us names. Like,” Robbe has to whisper it, hates the sound of it. _Faggot_. Even now, coming out of his own mouth. In his friend’s house, where he’s pretty sure he’s safe. 

“And we were unlocking our bikes and trying our hardest to walk away but they were following and they wouldn’t stop talking and I managed to get on my bike but we turned a corner into an alley and one of them yanked me off of it. And they beat us, Jens. They kicked the shit out of me. And - and I was trying to get up. I was trying to find Sander but I just couldn't get up. I couldn't see. I was so _fucking_ scared. And it hurt. It really hurt."

Robbe can’t bring himself to look up. He hadn’t meant to say that much. Hadn’t meant to say anything at all, really, but once he’d started he couldn’t stop. Even when he’d talked with Milan he hadn’t said that much out loud, and neither he nor Sander have really managed to bring it up. 

He breathes out, slowly. He’d thought that, with everything else that had happened to him and to Sander, he’d moved past this. It hadn’t seemed like as big of a deal, once he’d seen Sander and Britt kissing, and everything else in his life had gone to shit. Apparently not. He feels, once again, the specific kind of small that he’d felt that night. The powerless kind.

He hugs his arms over his chest, trying to give himself some sort of physical contact without tipping Jens off to the desperate way he wants it. Really, he wants Sander. He wants an actual hug, from his boyfriend, who gets it, even though he’s only known Robbe for months when Jens has for years. This evening, Sander hadn’t needed a word from Robbe to understand the fear, the shame. The terror. The awful backwards knowledge that what they were doing was the rightest thing in the world but the world didn’t fucking get that sometimes. 

Finally he can’t take it anymore and he forces himself to look up at Jens, who still hasn’t said anything. 

Jens is crying. 

Literally, Jens is crying. He’s never seen Jens cry before, and yet this is unmistakable, even in the faint yellow of the streetlights from the window. Jens’ warm brown eyes are staring right into his, and they’re giant and intense and they’re wet. As Robbe watches, a tear trembling at the bridge of Jens’ nose finally lets go and slips across his cheek. Another joins it.

“Jens?” Robbe asks, and it’s barely a whisper. He doesn’t know why he needs Jens’ approval on this, but he does, and it’s somehow worse than coming out had been. It’s more raw.

Jens blinks, hard. There are tears in his lashes. The light catches on them.

“Robbe,” Jens croaks out. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Robbe’s hands are shaking. 

It’s the faintest, smallest fucking tremor, but it’s all Jens can see, now that he’s noticed. Robbe’s holding himself - his right hand is on his left shoulder and it’s squeezing tight and it’s shaking. How many times, in the past few months, have they shook like that? How many times has Jens missed it?

Jens had thought he understood, when Robbe sat him down in that cafe and finally spat out his deepest darkest secret. He thought he’d gotten it. 

He’s learning now he had no fucking clue.

Robbe’s still holding himself, still shaking the tiniest amount. Still looking at Jens like he’s not sure what Jens will say or do. Like there’s actually a possibility Jens could think less of him for this. Robbe’s always been small, and Jens tries not to treat him that way, because he knows Robbe hates it, but right now he looks absolutely miniscule. Jens needs to hold him. Needs to make sure he’s ok. His throat is tight with the force of it.

“Can I - ?” Jens asks, putting a hand on Robbe’s shoulder over Robbe’s own. He shoves out the other hand, too, opening his arms to ask for a hug. Robbe flinches, almost imperceptibly, when he does.

Robbe scans Jens’ face yet again. Jens can feel more tears slipping out of his eyes and he really wishes they would stop. He’s not the fucking one who should be upset, right now. He’s a shitty, shitty friend. He can’t imagine what Robbe must be feeling. Must have _been_ feeling.

Finally, Robbe nods, and Jens pulls him in for a hug, as gently as he can. He knows Robbe’s strong, knows that physically he could probably bench Moyo and mentally he’s kept him and Sander together through far more shit than the rest of them combined have had to deal with, but he’s also so, so tiny in his arms. Robbe tucks his face into Jens’ shoulder. Jens can’t remember the last time they hugged like this.

They stay that way so long that Jens stops keeping track. Long enough for both of their breathing to even out, definitely. Long enough that the tears on Jens’ face dry out and his cheeks get itchy and tight. He doesn’t let go to scratch at them, though. He’s not letting go until Robbe does.

Finally, though, Robbe untucks his face from Jens’ shoulder and scoots back onto his own air mattress. 

“Robbe, that’s -” Jens doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m so sorry. That’s so fucking shitty.”

Understatement. He gets, now, why Robbe was having trouble coming out to him. Sometimes there just aren’t words.

“That’s so awful, and I’m your friend. I’m supposed to be there for you, man. And I wasn’t. And I’m really sorry.”

Robbe shrugs, and it’s almost enough to start Jens crying again.

“It’s not like you could have done anything about it,” Robbe whispers. 

“I could have been there for you!” It’s Jens’ turn to whisper-yell. Moyo, on the couch above Robbe, rustles around a little, and Jens shuts right up. It seems unthinkable, either Moyo or Aaron knowing what he now knows. He couldn’t imagine having this conversation with them involved. There’s no fucking _joking_ about this.

It’s another little piece of why Robbe waited this long to tell him, he realizes.

There’s a long pause. Robbe seems to be processing, and he doesn’t want to push him. Robbe can take as much time as he goddamn pleases to think about this, but Jens has been not pushing for so long. He thinks it might be part of the problem. He doesn’t know what to say, though. 

Jens has another thought.

“Have you and Sander… talked about it at all? Since?”

“Not really,” Robbe whispers. “Not with everything else.”

God, there’d been so much else.

“Have you talked to anyone else about it?” Jens asks. Now that he’s started asking questions, he can’t seem to stop them.

“Just Milan. And I think Zoe knows. She helped me, after.”

“You’ve gone to the cops, though, right?”

“No,” Robbe whispers. He seems ashamed of this, too. 

“Are you going to?” he asks. 

Robbe’s lips quirk up at one side. It’s the kind of smile you do when nothing’s actually funny. When you’re trying not to cry.

“I don’t know,” Robbe answers. He sounds so lost. “It’s been so long.”

“You can still go, man.” Jens says. “You _should_ still go.”

Robbe nods. Turns to face the other way. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk about this. Jens feels like a shitty friend all over again.

“I’d go with you, man. The guys too, I think. Whatever you need, we’re here to help,” he whispers.

Robbe turns back over. He looks over Jens’ face, yet again. Jens hopes that whatever’s on there, it’s supportive.

“You know that, right?” Jens adds.

Very slowly, Robbe nods.

“I do now,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at @irregardlxss! I don't talk much but I've loved lurking and listening as we've gotten through this season lmao


End file.
